IT Wants YouI never thought it would come to this. I thought I was a good person. But in the eyes of others I am a freak or the ugliest thing on earth. People call me names like It. They say It is a name that suits me, because I am so ugly. I feel like I gave people too many chances to like me, but who would like a person like me. I am a little deformed in the face area, and that’s why I wear my clown costume to hide my ugliness from people. People always think I am evil before they get to know me, and this happens every time I try to get to know people. I am treated like an outcast by everyone young and old. This hurts, I just want a friend. Well, I am at my breaking point enough is enough. People can call me psychotic or just plain crazy, but who cares. I tried to show my good side, but now I am giving into my dark side. This side could care less about what people think. Since I am hungry for attention, love, and understanding and do not receive it; I will get it at any cost. If that makes me a bad person so be it. I never asked to be like this. I tried doing good things. But people do bad things too. People are just like me, but instead of them showing their true colors they hide them. The difference between people and I is that I choose to show people how I feel through actions. I do not hide my feelings. I see no purpose in suppressing anything anymore, especially if you have experienced a life like mine. My life was not supposed to end up like this.
My memory is vivid and this dark room I sit in reminds me of my dark life. Every time I am done killing many people I reminisce about my life and what brought me this far. I remember the time when I was a boy. I was abused by my parents and peers physically, emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. This abuse continued throughout my life. At that time I felt like I wanted to kill them all, and that they all deserved to die. I actually did kill my parents a couple years back. My parents were so ashamed of me, because I did not come out like everyone else. They thought I was abnormal, but who is normal these days. Besides why is being different perceived as bad? Since people saw me as ugly, evil, and every other horrible word, I became it. People made me evil and people drove me this way. I am the victim here. Even though I am the victim; I still crave to kill. I laugh at people in pain and hearing screams is like music to my ears. I love the smell, taste, and feel of blood. Seeing blood gives me energy and makes me want more. I do not care from where the blood comes from a kid, an adult, or an animal. But animals are too easy to kill. Humans are more of a better sport to my liking. I always seem to go back and think about how I got here. Perhaps all this stored up hurt in me drove me crazy. I sit here with this bloody head in my hands and dried old skulls on my shelves. I see all this death around me and to my surprise I like it. I wonder if I died a long time ago. Once I killed my first person the others became easy. I became possessed. I now feel it is my right to kill. I see this dark room with my picture on the wall, the scary one I like. I see my weapons in which I used to kill my prey. I see it all, and I am smiling. I am not sure why I am smiling so much, perhaps I actually got some of what I wanted, the attention. I get attention from people when they beg for their lives. I become their superior at that moment and they need me. If this is all I can get I will take it. Who knows where I will go next in life. The one thing I know is that I am what I am now. Everyone has to now accept me or be forced to face me some day. I am craving blood right now and yours will be the next.
